How Fascinating!

I haven't even got a title for this post as I sit down to write it. I've found so far (in my lengthy blogging 'career') that I tend to start with a snappy title and go from there but today I'm not even sure what the purpose of the post is... Actually, that's not strictly true. I'm hoping that a stint at my laptop will help to clear my cluttered mind and I also know full well I'm avoiding doing actual work. Oh yes, I put the 'pro' in procrastination.

I've been up since 6ish this morning. This is fairly standard. I normally get my one lie in of the week on a Sunday morning but today is Father's Day so Pete is still snoring away upstairs while I man the children. My last post was written on a Sunday morning too and I was all at peace with the world because all my group admin and support was done and for a brief moment I actually felt in control of my work load. Not so this morning! For the past three weeks and for nine more to come, I'm covering a third Slimming World group. This means I'm now running eight sessions a week on three consecutive days. I am just about keeping my head above water but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard going. Hats off to the consultants - and I know some myself - who run more than that! I salute you. I can only imagine that you must be hyper organised... and possibly a robot. Not to say that I'm not enjoying the Wednesday group, I certainly am but keeping on top of the food diaries and admin for around three hundred members is no (fully Food Optimised) picnic.

My problem (or one of them!) is my inability to either just crack on and get stuff done OR decide firmly to leave the jobs for today and just relax. Relaxing does NOT come easily to me. It occurred to me this morning that in the time I'd been up I'd achieved very little but I also hadn't just sat down and chilled out. When I feel overwhelmed by tasks and To Do lists I twiddle and faff, half doing jobs and getting increasingly frustrated with myself. I'm not really doing anything but I'm also not doing nothing.

One of the amazing trainers at Slimming World HQ (aka The Sparkly Castle) always encourages us to be "fascinated" by our own behaviour especially the not so good stuff. Rather than getting annoyed at yourself for your inability to just complete one effing task, you try and take a step back so you can examine your behaviours or your motivation for the choices you made and learn from it... In short, rather than calling myself a "div" or a "useless twat" as I often do, what I should do is say "Hmm... How fascinating!" Ideally one would learn something from this self examination and thus make a different, more positive choice next time.

Have I learned anything from this morning's events? Other than that blogging is a nifty way to feel like I'm doing something when I'm really not?! Yes actually I have. I've realised that if I just identify what needs doing and allocate a set amount of time to that job, I can get it done and then do some guilt-free relaxing. I'll let you know how this goes!

One more thing... When I post this and then pop off to first eat my breakfast (raspberry oat muffins, yay!) and then second, write my To Do list for the day, one thing I won't need to write on there is "Ring Dad". As I said earlier, it's Father's Day today. Last year - my first Father's Day without my dad - Pete and I were separated and I was coming back from a hen weekend in Cambridge. I was spared the whole business of Father's Day. Today, I can't hide from it. I will be celebrating my partner and all he does for our children as well as us spending time with his dad who also does so much for all of us. Even though the pain is just as raw as it was back in October 2015 when my dad left us, I will think of him and smile as it's impossible not to. How lucky I am to have been born to such a wonderful, kind, flamboyant, funny man. Happy Father's Day, Dad! Thank you for the gift of humour and for the good genes that you gave me... They just about counterbalance the batshit crazy ones I got from my mother!

Now, to my To Do list and to actually Do the things on it!

[Just read back the above before I hit 'publish' and I had to add something... Pete is a daddy because Eva came into our lives in December 2008. Our beautiful first born! I know Pete was astounded by how much he loved her the very moment that he met her... Might not be so keen on her right now though. He's having a lie in, she's in her bedroom belting out made up power ballads in a delightful faux American accent!! Happy Father's Day, Pete!!!]